Fiction

Details

Jenette Lebel

The tattoo of a majestic cerulean koi fish that spanned across my husband’s back stared at me with its wise eyes. I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders, pressing my body against his. He was still asleep; I ran my fingers lightly down his left arm, tracing the sinuous body of the serpent that glided from his shoulder to his wrist. I breathed in the scent of his skin, my nose pressed against his neck. His jet black hair smelled like lotus which made me smile; he’d used my shampoo again.

Our daughter was still asleep; I hadn’t heard her joyful squawks on the baby monitor yet. Enjoying this rare moment of tranquility, I placed a gentle kiss at the base of David’s neck. He stirred, his deep breaths becoming shallower and his eyelids fluttering as he slowly opened them to the filtered sunbeams that were pouring in through the window. We lay there together in the stillness until the soft coos of a waking infant could be heard.

I got up quietly so as not to disturb him and I quickly tied my shoulder length hair into a messy ponytail before heading into the hallway. My daughter’s room was right next door and as soon as I entered the lavender colored space I heard her jolly acknowledgement of my presence. She kicked her legs happily as I leaned over the crib and she gave me a wide, gummy smile. She looked so much like David; soft black fuzz covered her round head and she had almond-shaped chocolate colored eyes.

“Good morning sleepy pie!” I said as I lifted her. “Did you have a good night?”

She gurgled and stuck the tip of her little pink tongue out at me.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” I chuckled. “Daddy is sleeping so we have to be quiet, okay?” I carried her to the changing table. I unsnapped her pale yellow onesie and replaced her old diaper with a fresh one, complete with a colorful Sesame Street motif around the waist band.

“I bet you’re hungry, bub.” I said to her. “Don’t worry; you’ll get your breakfast soon.”

I carried her into the small living room which had cheery blue walls and a big picture window. The room reminded me of the water in the Philippines where David and I had vacationed only a month prior to our finding out that we were pregnant. I sat down on the soft tan couch, the fuzzy surface feeling good against my bare legs. I lifted my t-shirt and held my daughter to my breast. She contentedly began to eat.

I heard footsteps in the hallway and looked up to see my husband coming into the room. He was wearing the blue striped pajama bottoms that I had bought him for Christmas last year.

“I’m sorry babe, did we disturb you?” I asked him with concern. He had just started nightshifts at the police station and was still adapting to the opposite sleep schedule that was required of him.

“No, I just couldn’t sleep.” He replied, stifling a yawn.

“I’m sorry. I think it will take some time to adjust.” I said with a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah, I think so. At least I get to spend some time with my two favorite girls.” He flashed me a sleepy grin. His tousled brown hair gave him a boyish look despite his bare torso which exposed his muscular build. He walked into the kitchen area and rummaged through the fridge.

“Anna, do we have regular milk? All I see is your soy drink.” He called.

“Yes, it should be in there somewhere.” I replied. I felt bad; I hadn’t gone shopping in a week and I knew our fridge was sparse.

“Found it.” He pulled out a practically empty carton.

“Hey, check the date on that. You don’t want to get sick.” I cautioned.

“It’s still good.” He tilted the carton back, drinking right from it. After he finished it, he walked over to me. He placed a soft kiss on top of our baby’s head. “Good morning, Molly.” He turned to me and said, “I’m going to hop in the shower, okay?”

“Sure, I’m not going anywhere.” I answered.

That afternoon the three of us went for a walk in the park. It was autumn and there was a chill in the air so Molly was bundled up in a cherry red jacket and knit hat that my mother had made. David pushed the stroller; Molly gazed up at him with such an adoring stare that I couldn’t hold back my smile. I never would have guessed a year ago that we’d be a family so soon, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. The brisk wind rustled the yellowed leaves on the ground around us and I shivered despite my fleece jacket.

“I love this weather. It’s just cool enough to wear jeans and a jacket.” I mentioned.

“Yeah, I like when the trees change colors.” He agreed. He was bundled up in a black leather jacket and black and grey plaid scarf was wrapped around his neck. Nobody from our alma mater would have ever guessed that he would go from being a scruffy drummer to suburban father in two short years.

“The holidays are coming. I can’t wait to celebrate Molly’s first Christmas.” I said with excitement.

“My mom can’t wait to meet Molly. I’m glad she’s coming up for the holidays.” David replied with a smile. His mother had moved back to the Philippines after David’s father died five years ago and she hadn’t yet seen our daughter.

That night we had enough time to eat dinner together before his shift started. He still smelled like my shampoo; I told him that as he held me close while we were waiting for the alarm on the oven to ring.

“I like smelling like you. Especially when I’m in the patrol car all alone at two in the morning. It reminds me that I eventually get to come to you.”

“That’s sweet.” I said, kissing his neck.

We sat down to eat our dinner at the table with Molly in her colorful baby swing right next to us. I had made chicken and mixed vegetables which steamed from their places on our bright yellow plates. After saying grace, I speared a green bean with my fork and began to eat. Aside from the occasional coo from Molly, we ate in silence. I could see out the front window that the sky was rapidly darkening; it was currently a deep sapphire with a faint glimmer of yellow just above the tree line. David was already in his officer’s uniform which I had neatly ironed earlier in the day.

After dinner, he grabbed his jacket and stopped at the sink where I was washing dishes and listening to the radio.

“Hey, I love you.” He gave me a quick kiss.

“I love you too. Have a safe shift.” I replied, briefly setting the soapy pan down into the sink so I could give David a hug.

He went over to the swing and gave Molly a kiss too. “Be good, Molly. Don’t give your Mama too much trouble tonight.”

With that, he went out the door and into the chilly night.

I got Molly ready for bed around eight. She was already sleepy; her bright eyes were half lidded and she nodded off as I changed her diaper one last time. After getting her settled, I hopped into my own bed and turned on the television. It wasn’t long before I became drowsy myself and I snuggled into my pillow, giving in to sleep.

The ringing of our doorbell awoke me several hours later. Disoriented, I sat up in my bed. I could hear Molly crying, also having been awakened. Groggily, I tossed on my bathrobe and cautiously approached the living room. I couldn’t fathom who would be at our door so late at night. I moved the blinds on the window aside and saw a police cruiser parked in our driveway. Thoroughly confused, I padded over to the door and opened it. My husband’s boss, Sgt. McLachlan, was at the door with a stern countenance and fists so tightly clenched that he had white knuckles.

“Hello?” I greeted him with sleepy confusion.

“Anna, I’m so incredibly sorry. Your husband was involved in an incident.” He started. “It was a routine traffic stop and…”

I didn’t hear the rest. My world suddenly began spinning and I couldn’t breathe. McLachlan had to help me to the couch as he finished telling me that my David wasn’t coming home tonight. He wasn’t ever coming home again. I remember telling the sergeant that it couldn’t have been David; we just had a baby and he wouldn’t leave his girls alone in the world.

I curled up in our bed, trying to remember the details. I could still smell him on his pillow. I thought of his soft skin with the vivid tattoos, his tousled brown hair, how he looked at Molly like she was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. My parents had come over to help with the baby and to aid me in the necessary paperwork and phone calls, but I just wanted to be left alone. I heard somebody knocking on the bedroom door.

“Anna?” My mother’s voice called out softly.

I closed my eyes tightly, grasping David’s pillow. I couldn’t be distracted; I had to memorize every single detail about our last day together. I had to remember everything because if I did then I couldn’t really lose him.